Gone Home...

This has always been one of my favorite pictures from our wedding day. Partly because I know how much my grandma was excited to be there and see me get married...and partly because she was feeling so sick that day. Her determination was much greater though and she made it through the entire day. I love my grandma and the special times we've shared.

Yesterday, she went Home. I miss you, grandma...but I'm so glad that you could go be with Jesus, grandpa, your little baby Johnnie, and baby Matty. You are now in Jesus' home and we are cheering because you are in a better place!

The weekend

Well, it was another full weekend that left me wanting more down time on Sunday night! I love my job, but there certainly wasn't enough relaxation in this weekend.

Friday we stopped in Winkler on the way to Altona to see some friends we hadn't seen in awhile. It was very good to visit with them again and see how much their son has grown and developed in the past few months. I used help them with respite for him and it was a treat to see his development.

We arrived in Altona late Friday night and went to stop at the hospital. Grandma's eyes were glazed over and I don't think she noticed we were talking to her. It was quite a change in 5 days. During the day, there had been a few times where she'd breathe and then not breathe for 15-25 seconds and then breathe again. I felt like it was 'goodbye' when we left the hospital Friday night.

But, Saturday morning came and I went to say hello. She looked right at me and nodded when I said her name. It was obvious that she knew me. She didn't say anything, but when my aunt Agatha said something about our baby coming, she said 'baby' and something else that we couldn't understand. She was definately in tune with what was going on around her. Her pastor came in to read some scripture which brought out a huge smile. She listened very carefully to some of her favorite verses in Psalm 121. It was a special time to see her grasp onto God's promises. I sat together with her and several of my aunts for most of the morning. It was great to visit with them and I was again reminded of how wonderful my family is. While this has been a really stressful time for the family, it's been a great excuse to spend more time together.

Grandma has been breathing 4-6 breaths per minute since Saturday. Normal is 20 breaths per minute. They also have doubled her pain medication since Saturday morning.

Saturday afternoon was spent napping and visiting with my grandma Fehr and aunt Elma from South Carolina! What a treat! I didn't know she was coming to visit, so it was a great surprise! There was also the most beautiful snow all day Saturday. It made everything fresh and new again!

In the evening, it was back to Winkler to celebrate Christmas with the company Stewy works for. There was a banquet, games, prizes, and tonnes of food. We all stayed in a hotel for the night and then enjoyed breakfast in the morning. We had a really good time and it was great to get away from the stress of Altona.

On Sunday we met a friend for lunch and also ran into a few others I used to know. It was neat to see how their lives are now. We sped back to Brandon to catch the Women's curling final as Tanya's team was playing. They couldn't pull off a win, but it certainly was close. We chatted a bit with her and saw her beautiful ring. She was heading to Altona and then to Thompson for curling provincials on Tuesday.

We spent the evening on the couch 'watching' football. I watched with my eyes closed from about 7:00 on. Stewy kept talking to me and I informed him that I would try to grunt at the appropriate times, but really I was already sleeping! We relocated to our bed at 10 and I think I only woke up briefly twice before morning. What a great sleep! I was pretty hungry by this morning though considering I didn't eat supper.

So now we need a few days off to recuperate as usual. I am counting down the weeks until mat leave. I have 5 working weeks left and 6.5 weeks until my due date! Baby is wreaking havoc on my body, but I must say that 12 straight hours laying down gave my muscles a great break. For the first time in weeks, I woke up with no pain this morning. I think I may try to take it a little easier to see if maybe I'm overdoing it a bit. This week should be fairly low key, but there are some baby things to get ready/buy and I'm guessing that we'll be heading to Altona sometime late this week or early next week.

I'm excited to get things more prepared for baby. With all the movement I've been feeling lately, I am convinced more than ever that there actually is a baby inside me and it's ours! It's too surreal most of the time, but so exciting! We've started to do some extra cleaning around the house. I'm really hoping to get the guest bedroom closet all set to go sometime this week. Then, Stewy needs to do the music room and I think I'll do the kitchen. Then, because our house is cozy, I think that we'd be done! Things are so much easier when you have a small house.

Anyway, I've been blabbing long enough. Hope you all are enjoying your Monday!

Stuff about Grandma E

No, it hasn't been long since I last wrote about my grandma, but the circumstances have certainly changed. She went into the hospital last Thursday (12th) after a very disoriented day at home. She has very quickly lost the independence she was hanging onto in the past week. The doctors discovered cancer in her kidneys now and with the major increase in medication she is very seldom awake and clear. Tana, the kiddos, and I went to see her this past weekend and there were moments where she knew us and moments where she just smiled and asked who we were. The doctor has given her a couple of days to maybe a week to live.

She has had a good life. She lived with a very special husband who was a great match for her until he died 6 years ago. Together they had 7 kids, losing one in his first year, and raising the rest with caring and generosity. The youngest is newly engaged to a wonderful girl named Tanya. We love her and her infectious smile! They'll have great looking babies!
Grandma and Grandpa always had time for the grandkids. Since we were some of the first to arrive, we got to have special sleepovers at G&G's and they always included singing, stories, and praying before bed.
One special memory I have of grandma was the days I spent with her between the death and funeral of my grandpa. She was filled with mixed emotions...of being excited to let grandpa go enjoy heaven, of missing him terribly, of wanting to keep her independance, of being unsure of the future, and of being ticked at grandpa for leaving her behind. We spent many moments crying together and kneeling beside her bed praying together.
Grandma was always a great gardener and housekeeper. She also helped grandpa with the family business and still had time for visiting with friends and singing in the choir. One querky thing she did was when she visited the family...or every once in awhile when you went to visit her...she would take pictures of you in front of the house. Either your house or her own house. Grandma was about the pictures. This week, as I was plugging through our storage room, I found a card she'd sent with pictures she'd taken of stuff we'd done together throughout the summer. My favorite grandma pic of all time is still the one of her and I at our wedding. She was sick that day, but VERY determined to still be there.

So my prayer for grandma now is for her to release her determined spirit into God's control and rest in the peace that will give her. Good night, grandma. I love you.

Odds and ends...

First, I'd like to highlight the comments that have come to my blog recently. It seems there are people in the world that are much more disgruntled than I...and I actually find that somewhat amusing. I don't think I was very anti-American in my previous posts...but I do admit to expressing some frustration with one store. Oh well, the 'woman' out there who was offended should maybe just overlook my annoyance and not let it wreck her day!

Oh, and thank you to the lovely American who offered to buy the pants and let me pay her back. I have an idea of who you are and even though we haven't met, that was very gracious of you! I enjoy the family we share!

Christmas was a mixed bag of emotions. It was so good to see our families and spend time with them:
We got to spend Christmas weekend at my parent's house and we both thoroughly enjoyed the down time. It's so relaxing there even with the boys wanting to play. I suppose most of my relaxation comes with the familiarity of knowing my family so well. One down side was my grandmother's illness became more clear. She is suffering from a rare form of cancer that seems to be slowly disintegrating her digestive system. It's very painful and hard for her to deal with. She is still so independant even though we wish she would accept more help. It's so difficult to live in pain...but I think the doctors have come a long ways in that area in the past two weeks. She spent a week in the hospital over the holidays, so while it wasn't what was planned, it was nice to be able to go visit her and have some time where there were few people around. We also got to visit with friends of mine from high school and their significant others. It was a great time of reconnecting and for Stewy to get to know them better.

Regina was our next stop. We arrived on Wednesday evening to 'The Schedule'. :) Stewy's dad was so excited to have everyone home and he's bright enough to know that if you want to get everything in, you have to be organized. So, we had a fun three days that were packed fuller than I'd expected...but were a great chance to get to know my in-laws better. Everyone was home together and we enjoyed a sleigh ride and many games together. Some of us even got some shopping in which was a great time to spend with Tammy and Todd. There were many babies which gave us the chance to get excited and nervous all over again! It'll be so different next time when we also have our own! Our time in Regina also had some mixed feelings attached to it, however. Stewy's grandparents from Montana were in a great transition time of their lives and it was obvious that our thoughts and prayers were just as much in Montana as they were in Regina. Things are pretty stable there and grandma seems to be doing well in the new care facility. I think the biggest change will be for grandpa who has been taking care of her so many years. It's amazing the ministry he's had to her. I have never met either of them, but I see the legacy of servanthood in my husband and in his family. I hope I get the chance to meet them soon.

On to other things. This morning I was listening to good ol' Crowder. You see, if you've never taken the time to enjoy him, you need to make that a priority. I was enjoying the sunrise as I often do on the way to work...and the following song began:

Stars (David Crowder Band)

you should see the stars tonight
how they shimmer shine so bright
against the black they look so white
comin down from such a height
to reach me now, reach me now

you should see the moon in the flight
cuttin cross the misty night
softly dancin in sunshine
reflections of this light
reach me now, you reach me now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful again

and you should feel the sun in the spring
comin out after a rain
suddenly all is green
sunshine on everything
i can feel it now, i feel you now

and how could such a thing
shine its light on me
and make everything beautiful

and you should hear the angels sing
all gathered round their king
more beautiful than you could dream
i've been quietly listening
you can hear 'em now, i hear em now

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful

and i wanna shine
i wanna be light
i wanna tell you it'll be alright
and i wanna shine and i wanna fly
just to tell you now
it'll be alright, it'll be alright
it'll be alright.

cus i got nothing of my own to give to you
but this light that shines on me shines on you
and makes everything beautiful, again.
it'll be alright, it'll be alright.

I've been so discouraged by things that have been happening in our spiritual community lately and they've been a distraction to me from the beauty and love of God. I know that's not an excuse as God never changes, but it's so hard to see past His followers sometimes. I've always found encouragement in God's creation and this song just reminded me that I need to rest in Him and He will deal with the things I feel are unjust. He reaches down to us...such a King has time and love and friendship for US!! I admit it, there was a tear...or two.

And now to baby news: My last day of work at school is going to be February 24. It's crazy to think that's only 7 weeks away. I'm still in disbelief most days even though I can feel more and more of the baby's parts. We were so excited to be feeling bones and limbs on Sunday night. You should have seen how proud and excited daddy was! Stewy's going to make such a great dad. I'm so anxious to see him with baby. He's still convinced that baby is a girl...and while it's taken me until now to believe that could be true, I'm starting to swing my vote! I guess we'll just have to keep waiting to know for sure! It's possible that Grandpa McMillan is that last 'boy' voter....besides part of me. :)

Anyway...enough odds and ends for one day. My prep here is over. Thank you to those who have stopped by to comment...even "American Woman". :)