Community

I think I see examples of it...
When we arrived at Tana and Alwin's yesterday, Anita was there watching Tom, doing the dishes, and answering Tana's phone...the phone that had rung regularly all day from people calling to say hello and remember together. Friends that had moved away. Friends that were still nearby. Family that called to encourage. Offers of spending time and helping.

September 28

Tonight we're heading out to Tana and Alwin's. It's three years today since precious baby Matty (right) went to Jesus' home. Sam still talks about Jesus' home and tells us that even though it's a great place, when you go there, you don't come back.
It's such a hard day for Tana especially. She's such a brave woman who trusts God wholeheartedly, but this anniversary and his birthday are still particularly hard. I can't help but wonder why God wouldn't want them to have three beautiful boys. Why would God take away a child from parents who serve Him and who raise their children to know and love Him? I know, God doesn't play by our rules and ideas...and I know that He can take care of baby Matt better than we could...but it still doesn't make sense. I know, it's not supposed to. That's where the trust comes in.
Three years ago today, we snuggled Matty and sang him songs as his heartbeat got weaker and weaker. I'm still so thankful that I got to be there...and still so thankful for the people that were such a support to our family during that time. Stewart wasn't a part of our family officially then, but he contributed to the funeral service in a way that will always be remembered. What a special guy! So glad we can officially call him our own now!
And maybe an advantage to Tom being a twin instead of a single pregnancy is that he is just the snuggliest kid now...and boy, does auntie ever love that!

That cold bug...

I know from experience already that September means sickness...so I was stuffing my body full of the vitamins, but it seems that sleeping with someone who has a cold is just too close. In hindsight, I might have considered the spare bedroom, but all is infected now so I'll stay cozy.

School is going well...other than the germs. Slowly more and more students are finding out our news...and I'm met with hugs and excitement. I love that. Those girls are just such a treat...just as they were three years ago in my grade 8 class. Yesterday one former student even outlined that she'd now known me during singleness, dating, engagment, marriage, and now pregnancy. I think she was pretty impressed...however I did move through some of those stages fairly quickly!

About those long legs...

So my latest frustration with pregnancy has been the arduous task of finding maternity pants that are long enough. I have one pair...which I'm not wearing yet as I refuse to ditch the clothes that still sort of fit because I don't want to be COMPLETELY sick of the pants by Christmas...from Tall Girl, but the other options there are just nasty. Now, I admit, I could buy the other color of the pants that I bought and like, but that just isn't my style either. So, I suppose that's the inevitable...I must toss 'my style' for this period of time. I have friends that keep oooing and ahhhhing over their 'oh so cute pregnant friends' and I so badly want to be somewhat attractive even during this time. The frustration comes with experiences like...I found some pants on gap.com which will probably be long enough...however, they are only available online, and they are only available for residents of the US. GRRRR!! I found a parcel service whose address I could use to order the items, but alas, I can't order them because my billing information for my credit card is in Canada. What is with the closed-mindedness of people down there??? I just don't understand why they wouldn't at least let you pay from Canada even if they don't want to ship here. Good grief. So, I continue my search...and continue feeling like I'm going to have to sacrifice a couple of pairs of pants that I love and paid dearly for...to try to sew my own maternity pants. That just sounds like a disaster to me. I think I will seek help!
Alright, my rant is over...and if you have some advice, I'll take it!

Baby stuff

So this will probably sound more journally than usual, but since mom and I are alone :), I thought I'd write down my real thoughts for today.

I'm getting anxious. I have this baby growing inside me and while I know this, I don't FEEL this. I'm such a feeling person and it's just not real yet. I read on message boards about these mothers-to-be (due the same time as me) that have registries complete and are collecting stuff for their babies. They are decorating, or at least planning, their nurseries. They are starting to feel the baby move...and posting pictures of significant bellies. I look down at my tummy and it looks like I've gotten a little chunky over the summer. I don't look pregnant...actually, I feel like I look LESS pregnant than I did last week! This is odd to me. Is God preparing me for taking this baby back at this stage...by not having me feel like this is real? Or would I be too overwhelmed at this point to truly understand how our lives are going to change...so He's just stalling the reality until I'm ready for it? My midwife had no trouble finding the heartbeat three weeks ago and said things were progressing well. She said as long as I was still having pregnant 'symptoms' I should just enjoy feeling good. I KNOW this, but it's so hard to rest in this. God has everything under control and I know His plan is always best. I'm thinking these feelings of unpreparedness and 'this just isn't really happening' are part of what people call 'pregnancy hormones', but they are certainly real feelings. I feel like I'm not going to be a good mom because I wasn't 'bonding' with this baby from the beginning. There are so many new moms around me who are so prepared and open about their feelings that I feel inadequate about where I'm at. We did however meet some friends we hadn't seen in awhile on Sunday and it was so exciting to hear their excitement about their new baby...and their reassurance that once the baby comes it's just too good to be true. That made me feel more excited.
Anyway, that's just where I'm at today. Someone tell me this is normal! Hope you have a good day!

Excerpts from "Things about me" projects...

Grade 8s make me laugh...

"My special talent is to forget stuff...and not listening."

"One day when I was out golpher hunting..."

"The thing I like most about myself is my inner voice."

"Three words that describe who I really am are somewhat intelagent, hard working, and unorganized "

"What I like most about myself is my smarts "

"If I could change one thing bout myself, I would be more orginzed "

Hmmm...maybe we should try "be a better speller and use periods for sentences???"

Smiles from me...

So I have new grade 8s this year. That's always hard for me since I spend so much time getting to know the kiddos each year...and then they continue on without me. I'm finding though, that this year promises unique personalities, many laughs, struggles and triumphs just like any other year. I'm so thankful that God is so creative.

So the new students in my 04 class...they make me smile. Some are lower functioning than what I'm used to, but in that is an innocence and eagerness that is often lost in high school students. It's refreshing...and challenging. Also, it brings with it the need to teach different material which excites me! Learning how to tell the time again...something we take so for granted...I'm not sure how to teach that!

And the students that remain in 04 from the past years...well, they make me smile, too. I told them today that I was expecting a baby in March and one of their responses was, "My dog had five puppies." Oh, so socially inappropriate and yet so exactly where they are at. I had to chuckle and say, more for my benefit than theirs, that I was only going to have one at a time.

Thank you, Lord, for a job that I love and these precious people you've entrusted to me every day. May they feel safe, important, and special in my room.

Changes

Life is always full of them...and the past few months have been no exception.

First, we got new carpet in our bedroom. Thanks to a flood of sewage, we got rid of the diamonds we'd loathed for 1 year. God is so good...;)

We built a deck behind our house...and put in a garden door so that we can see it. It's been the home to many conversations and I anticipate even more next summer. I also anticipate actually going into our garden next summer...instead of just supervising it from the kitchen.

Stew's brother got a new heart. Exciting, scary, long rehab away from family. He's doing really well and we're looking forward to him being home with his family in a couple of weeks. His kids are really looking forward to it, too!

We're having a baby. At least we're 14 weeks on the road to that end! We're excited, nervous, scared, overwhelmed, giddy, in awe...and all those other things that come before such a huge life change. We heard the heartbeat on Wednesday for the first time. I'd like to say it was a sweet sound (and it was a very precious sound), but all it reminded me of was fat being slapped! What kind of mother will I be if I make everything into a joke? It was cool to hear the difference between blood flowing through the baby's heart and blood flowing through the umbilical cord. I'm impressed my midwife can tell so easily! Anyway, I'm sure there will be many more updates on this in the future.

Today my angels are coming over. I miss them. They haven't been over for so long...well, at least that's what it feels like! Looking forward to their hugs and kisses.

School has started and my kiddos are great. I'm so looking forward to getting to know them all. The resource part of my load is bigger than usual and I'm looking forward to when I have it 'under control'...as if that will ever fully happen!

Changes, changes...I'm hoping one of them will be writing more often...