Baby stuff
So this will probably sound more journally than usual, but since mom and I are alone :), I thought I'd write down my real thoughts for today.
I'm getting anxious. I have this baby growing inside me and while I know this, I don't FEEL this. I'm such a feeling person and it's just not real yet. I read on message boards about these mothers-to-be (due the same time as me) that have registries complete and are collecting stuff for their babies. They are decorating, or at least planning, their nurseries. They are starting to feel the baby move...and posting pictures of significant bellies. I look down at my tummy and it looks like I've gotten a little chunky over the summer. I don't look pregnant...actually, I feel like I look LESS pregnant than I did last week! This is odd to me. Is God preparing me for taking this baby back at this stage...by not having me feel like this is real? Or would I be too overwhelmed at this point to truly understand how our lives are going to change...so He's just stalling the reality until I'm ready for it? My midwife had no trouble finding the heartbeat three weeks ago and said things were progressing well. She said as long as I was still having pregnant 'symptoms' I should just enjoy feeling good. I KNOW this, but it's so hard to rest in this. God has everything under control and I know His plan is always best. I'm thinking these feelings of unpreparedness and 'this just isn't really happening' are part of what people call 'pregnancy hormones', but they are certainly real feelings. I feel like I'm not going to be a good mom because I wasn't 'bonding' with this baby from the beginning. There are so many new moms around me who are so prepared and open about their feelings that I feel inadequate about where I'm at. We did however meet some friends we hadn't seen in awhile on Sunday and it was so exciting to hear their excitement about their new baby...and their reassurance that once the baby comes it's just too good to be true. That made me feel more excited.
Anyway, that's just where I'm at today. Someone tell me this is normal! Hope you have a good day!
I'm getting anxious. I have this baby growing inside me and while I know this, I don't FEEL this. I'm such a feeling person and it's just not real yet. I read on message boards about these mothers-to-be (due the same time as me) that have registries complete and are collecting stuff for their babies. They are decorating, or at least planning, their nurseries. They are starting to feel the baby move...and posting pictures of significant bellies. I look down at my tummy and it looks like I've gotten a little chunky over the summer. I don't look pregnant...actually, I feel like I look LESS pregnant than I did last week! This is odd to me. Is God preparing me for taking this baby back at this stage...by not having me feel like this is real? Or would I be too overwhelmed at this point to truly understand how our lives are going to change...so He's just stalling the reality until I'm ready for it? My midwife had no trouble finding the heartbeat three weeks ago and said things were progressing well. She said as long as I was still having pregnant 'symptoms' I should just enjoy feeling good. I KNOW this, but it's so hard to rest in this. God has everything under control and I know His plan is always best. I'm thinking these feelings of unpreparedness and 'this just isn't really happening' are part of what people call 'pregnancy hormones', but they are certainly real feelings. I feel like I'm not going to be a good mom because I wasn't 'bonding' with this baby from the beginning. There are so many new moms around me who are so prepared and open about their feelings that I feel inadequate about where I'm at. We did however meet some friends we hadn't seen in awhile on Sunday and it was so exciting to hear their excitement about their new baby...and their reassurance that once the baby comes it's just too good to be true. That made me feel more excited.
Anyway, that's just where I'm at today. Someone tell me this is normal! Hope you have a good day!
posted by TL @ 8:33 AM
2 Comments:
At 3:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
If it helps at all, Dad and I pray for you everyday! I have confidence that everything will be fine because this is all in His hands.
Love, Mom McM
At 9:21 AM,
TL said…
Thanks, mom! I appreciate you interceding for us. Everything seems to be going ok. Yesterday when I put my bathing suit on, I even LOOKED pregnant, so I think that helps in my mind! We're getting more and more excited as we spend more time talking about it. :)
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